McCain is a dick

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McCain ran for the Republican nomination in the 2000 presidential election, but was defeated by another dick, George W. Bush. In the 2008 presidential cycle, McCain was joined in the race by a lazy dick, a Mormon dick, a evangelical dick, a libertarian former gynecologist dick and a dick named Giuliani. After the Mormon dick dropped out in February of 2008, McCain became the presumptive nominee.

Far from actually being a "maverick," the one word that would accurately describe his time in public life is: "asshole." That McCain was able to successfully make himself be thought of as a "maverick" says as much about the press as it does about McCain. That is, one cannot understand how McCain did this without also understanding the delicate psychology of the Washington D. C. press corps.

Most Washington journalists have a deeply internalized sense of self-loathing. They see themselves as cowardly, flaccid, ineffectual, impotent wimps. In this, they're not entirely wrong. They have always secretly admired the asshole jocks who used to push them around in high school. The journalists would console themselves with the soothing affirmation that the assholes were not as smart as they were. They were right, of course, but still, deep down the journalists secretly admired the assholes.

Along comes John McCain -- an asshole, but an asshole who is nice to them, an asshole who comes to back of the plane and jokes around with them and doesn't make them feel unmanly. Why, sometimes, it seemed as if McCain really liked them. A few years of this, and suddenly McCain's not a temperamental, dangerously unstable asshole, he's a "maverick."

But the self-esteem issues of the weakling press notwithstanding, McCain is, in fact, an asshole. An asshole who wants to be the President of the United States. As an asshole senator, he the sort of guy who says things like:

• "Only an asshole would put a budget together like this!" (to New Mexico Republican Pete Dominici)

• "I'm calling you a fucking jerk!" (to Iowa Republican Senator Chuck Grassley)

• "Fuck you. I know more about this than anybody in the room." (To Texas Republican Senator John Cornyn)

This is why Senator Dominici said in 2000 that "I decided I didn't want this guy anywhere near a trigger." It is presumed by this he meant the nuclear trigger.

McCain is also the sort of guy who would tell the following joke:

Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?

A: Her father is Janet Reno.

This is the sort of humor assholes find funny. When he told the joke, Chelsea Clinton was seventeen years old. Some say when you open an attack like this on the looks of someone who did not ask to be thrust into the public eye, you invite similar attacks in your own direction.

Accordingly, this is a photo of McCain's freakish-looking over-plastic-surgery'd wife Cindy:

Scroll down for the freak show

(click on the link above or imagine john mcain hisself in a wig) frogamundo

In speaking about whether he had ever witnessed McCain's notorious temper problem, former Pennsylvania Republican Senator Rick Santorum said, "I don't know anybody in the Senate who hasn't. Everybody has their McCain story."

And if America elects this temperamental, dangerously unstable, angry old asshole, America will have its own McCain story too.